When Goodbye Is Forever

I didn’t realize
that goodbye
really meant
goodbye.

Forever is a long time
to go without a friend
that you’ve been with
forever.

And now i’m all alone.
And now i’m always sad.
And now i can’t tell you
When something makes me smile.

I go to the beach
and wander past the waves
and feel the sand
as it pushes between my toes.

But you aren’t there.
You were always there.
Just me and you.
And now i’m all alone.

I don’t know how
to say goodbye
when goodbye
is forever.

LLH
7/17/17
4:19 pm

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Filed under Feelings, Me

The Moon and the Clouds #Poetry

Actual photo I took that night.

Actual photo I took that night.

The cool night breeze
strokes my hair
and encircles my body
like the hug that I
desperately need.

The leaves in the limbs above
rustle quietly,
a reminder that I’m not alone.

The steady moon
looks down on me
while the streak of clouds
move briskly by.

The moon is God;
the clouds, my troubles.

I snap a photo,
but you just can’t see
the moon and clouds
like they are for real.

I am saddened
that I can’t share
My God with you
tonight.

 

LLH

07-17-2016

Edit on 12/14/16

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Filed under Feelings, God, Nature, Observations

The Backyard Pond – A Poem About Loss That’s Not That Bad

Award-winning photo by Hara Woltz

Award-winning photo by Hara Woltz

He is a curse
dressed as a blessing.
Indifference
that promises love.
A promise as empty
………..as the pond
………..in Dad’s backyard.

The fish are dead;
the turtle gone
to find a home
………..deeper, cooler.

I am as sorrowful
at losing him
……….as losing the pond.

Both I’ve known
for years upon years.
Both bring comfort
……….and a smile.
A familiar place
……….to return to.

But now it’s time
to fill that empty hole,
make something new
……….in its place.

Something, perhaps,
I will love passionately.
Something that won’t
be so draining
……….or so shallow.

LLH
9/30/16
9:o0ish AM

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Filed under Divorce, Feelings, Nature

Die to Live

Photo credit: Milwaukee Community Journal

Photo credit: Milwaukee Community Journal

Drinking in the dark.

She only smokes when she drinks.

The girl finds you out.

What do you say?

You promise you won’t get cancer.

Lies.

You can’t make that promise.

You know to live

you have to die.

Die to yourself.

But still you don’t.

You don’t give it up.

Your addictions.

Your pain.

Your cravings.

Your wants.

Your flesh.

 

It is time to make a change.

To die.

To follow.

So that you can live.

 

LLH

8/6/15

3:02 am

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Filed under Addiction, Die to Live, God

After Shocks

Thanks to Borda for the image.

Thanks to Borda for the image.

 

Do the effects of you ever end?

The nightmares, the fear,

Feeling like nothing.

And now this?

 

He’s a Christian guy

who makes me laugh

and knows the difference

between they’re and their.

 

Why am i so scared?

Why do i feel inept?

Why does his tender kiss

create a panic inside?

 

I don’t wanna be wrong

about him

like i was

about you.

 

I don’t wanna be hurt

by him

like i was

by you.

 

I don’t want to regret

him

like i do

you.

 

LLH

6-15-15

11:32 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings, Love

I am…

 

She told me to write a list

beginning with “I am.”

Like “I am a writer,

I am a poet,

I am a Christian.”

 

The only words

I can think tonight

are his words.

I am stupid.

I am fat.

I am ugly.

I am lazy.

I am hopeless.

I am helpless.

I am mean.

I am selfish.

 

I will always

be alone,

because who

would want me?

 

Will i always

be defined

by his words

instead of mine?

 

LLH

5/12/15

11:04 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

The Snake #Poem #Poetry

05-05-15 Snake 1She told me about the snake

who will always be a snake

no matter the kindness that

i should bestow upon him.

 

He managed to break my heart

with a flick of his fork’d tongue

05-05-15 Snake 2and the words from his pursed lips.

He managed to push me down.

 

I have seen him from this view.

I have watched him degrade me.

I have sat in fear of him

‘Til next-day apologies.

 

His tongue breaks my tender heart;

His tail, a blade, makes me bleed.

I will never be enough;

I don’t think i want to be.

 

As long as i remember

a snake is always a snake.

Regardless of my actions,

he is going to bite me.

 

LLH

5/5/15

10:10 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings