Die to Live

Photo credit: Milwaukee Community Journal

Photo credit: Milwaukee Community Journal

Drinking in the dark.

She only smokes when she drinks.

The girl finds you out.

What do you say?

You promise you won’t get cancer.

Lies.

You can’t make that promise.

You know to live

you have to die.

Die to yourself.

But still you don’t.

You don’t give it up.

Your addictions.

Your pain.

Your cravings.

Your wants.

Your flesh.

 

It is time to make a change.

To die.

To follow.

So that you can live.

 

LLH

8/6/15

3:02 am

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Filed under Addiction, Die to Live, God

After Shocks

Thanks to Borda for the image.

Thanks to Borda for the image.

 

Do the effects of you ever end?

The nightmares, the fear,

Feeling like nothing.

And now this?

 

He’s a Christian guy

who makes me laugh

and knows the difference

between they’re and their.

 

Why am i so scared?

Why do i feel inept?

Why does his tender kiss

create a panic inside?

 

I don’t wanna be wrong

about him

like i was

about you.

 

I don’t wanna be hurt

by him

like i was

by you.

 

I don’t want to regret

him

like i do

you.

 

LLH

6-15-15

11:32 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings, Love

I am…

 

She told me to write a list

beginning with “I am.”

Like “I am a writer,

I am a poet,

I am a Christian.”

 

The only words

I can think tonight

are his words.

I am stupid.

I am fat.

I am ugly.

I am lazy.

I am hopeless.

I am helpless.

I am mean.

I am selfish.

 

I will always

be alone,

because who

would want me?

 

Will i always

be defined

by his words

instead of mine?

 

LLH

5/12/15

11:04 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

The Snake #Poem #Poetry

05-05-15 Snake 1She told me about the snake

who will always be a snake

no matter the kindness that

i should bestow upon him.

 

He managed to break my heart

with a flick of his fork’d tongue

05-05-15 Snake 2and the words from his pursed lips.

He managed to push me down.

 

I have seen him from this view.

I have watched him degrade me.

I have sat in fear of him

‘Til next-day apologies.

 

His tongue breaks my tender heart;

His tail, a blade, makes me bleed.

I will never be enough;

I don’t think i want to be.

 

As long as i remember

a snake is always a snake.

Regardless of my actions,

he is going to bite me.

 

LLH

5/5/15

10:10 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

Dear ______

Photo courtesy of The Village Voice

Photo courtesy of The Village Voice

Some of my poems

are letters to you

of things i feel

or haven’t spoken.

 

This is one.

 

I was bold and sure

and gave advice

i hoped you’d take

as you left me for a week.

 

I am trying to do

what is right and

I know that you are, too.

 

But how can my heart

feel like this

and how can yours

feel the same

 

… if it is wrong?

 

Now i feel jealous.

Jealous??

That is silly

and we both know it.

 

But why?

 

Help me understand.

Help me overcome.

Help me stop

loving you.

 

LLH

4/20/15

12:32 AM

 

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings, Love

My Best Friend

Photo from University of East Anglia

Photo from University of East Anglia

You aren’t here.

I’m thinking of you.

And wondering if

You’re thinking of me, too.

 

We said our goodbyes

and you admitted to me

that you would

.   indeed

miss me.

 

I said it to you

but you already knew.

My words and my poems

too honest.

 

I am transparent

even if i try to hide.

You know me

like none other.

 

I kinda like it that way.

 

 

LLH

4-19-15

8:27 PM

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings

Mixed Emotions

Photo by LilyLover.

Photo by LilyLover.

He’s the one that got my humor.

The one that i could laugh with.

He was my soul mate

for sixteen long years.

Years of pain and poison.

 

It’s good he’s gone.

It’s good i left him.

So why am i so sad?

Why am i hurting?

 

Is it the loneliness?

The extra responsibility?

Missing arms holding me

and lips on my neck?

 

Depression is heavy.

It wears you down.

The little pills are no substitute

for the happiness i felt.

 

LLH

4/12/15

11:29 PM

 

2 Comments

Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse, Feelings