I wrote something today.


I wrote something today
that in the past
(just a week or so ago)
I’d share with you.

What do you think
of my feelings laid down
in black and white,
in rhyme and meter?

If only someone
(that only one)
who understood me
could tell me
what he thought.

But you left me alone.

Now no one hears my words,
and no one gets me


Fuck you for being so selfish.



10:53 PM

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I’m at that point…

Canva---Foot-Prints-in-GrayI’m at that point
where i want you
to feel as bad
as i do.

I want you
to miss my words
to miss our talks
to miss the beach
as i do.

I want you
to feel empty
to feel alone
to feel the tears
as i do.

I’m at that point
where i think i know
what i avoided
all these years.

I’m at that point
where i feel bad
just because
I want you.


6:56 pm

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Your Jail


What do i want
to say to you?
Anything at all?
Or maybe i should
just be silent,
like you are
to me.

You don’t deserve
to hear from me.
You don’t deserve
to read my words
and know
my thoughts.

I can’t believe
you are so scared
of not being
what they expect,
that you can’t
stand up and
just be you.

I am the only one
who accepts you —
as you.

But why do i write
as if you read
these words
I’ve written here?

Instead you sit
and do your work.
Not looking left.
Not looking right.

What a sad jail
and lonely existence
that you’ve agreed upon.

I’m sorry, my friend.


9:00 PM

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Filed under Feelings, friendship, Me


Canva - Woman Looking Out The Window - Mike Chang



There isn’t even an echo in reply.

And why would there be?

Who would want to answer?


Who would want to walk into this space

– dank, heavy, and endless –

with just me

and no one else?


I don’t even want to be with me.

Why would you?





3:00 AM

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings, Me

Do You Understand?

Canva - Grayscale Photography of Woman Looking Out a Window - Rafael Serafim

I am still in disbelief

that you hurt me 

the way you did.



Anyone but you,

I would’ve expected it from.

But not you.


Do you understand?

Can you even comprehend

how you tore me apart

when I was already 

so very low?


I knew it was coming.

Even though I didn’t.

I begged you to stand up

for yourself

for our friendship.


But what are my words,

black and white

on a computer screen,

to their speech,

their gestures,

their convincing tones?


And besides,

who am I

but some girl

you flirt with

behind everyone

else’s back?




That’s what they tell you..

That’s what they all think.

Is that what you think now, too?


I have looked for your email,

even on other accounts

that you wouldn’t possibly use.


I have tried to write this poem.

Tried to form words 

to explain what i feel

so you could understand.


Do you understand?


It hurts to be left

by everyone 

you love.


Oh, my friend,

it hurts. 




10:45 PM

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I’m Not Alright

Lake Erie as a kid

I’m not alright.

I cry so hard that

I taste the sensation

of Lake Erie waves

crashing and filling

in my nose and

the back of my throat

like when i was ten,

eleven, twelve

on vacation every summer,

and it only

 makes me

 .    cry harder.


1:30 am

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Filed under 30in30, Family, Feelings, Me, Memories

I Hope

round tablets on yellow background

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

I hope i don’t remember

     this part of my life.

I hope i make it through 

     to better times.

I hope i don’t fill up

     on little pills 

          white and round 

     that seem so easy

         to swallow down.




1:50 am

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