I wrote something today
that in the past
(just a week or so ago)
I’d share with you.
What do you think
of my feelings laid down
in black and white,
in rhyme and meter?
If only someone
(that only one)
who understood me
could tell me
what he thought.
But you left me alone.
Now no one hears my words,
and no one gets me
anymore.
Fuck you for being so selfish.
LLH
5-4-2020
10:53 PM
Filed under Feelings, friendship
I’m at that point
where i want you
to feel as bad
as i do.
I want you
to miss my words
to miss our talks
to miss the beach
as i do.
I want you
to feel empty
to feel alone
to feel the tears
as i do.
I’m at that point
where i think i know
what i avoided
all these years.
I’m at that point
where i feel bad
just because
I want you.
LLH
5/11/2020
6:56 pm
Filed under Feelings, friendship
What do i want
to say to you?
Anything at all?
Or maybe i should
just be silent,
like you are
to me.
You don’t deserve
to hear from me.
You don’t deserve
to read my words
and know
my thoughts.
I can’t believe
you are so scared
of not being
what they expect,
that you can’t
stand up and
just be you.
I am the only one
who accepts you —
as you.
But why do i write
as if you read
these words
I’ve written here?
Instead you sit
and do your work.
Not looking left.
Not looking right.
What a sad jail
and lonely existence
that you’ve agreed upon.
I’m sorry, my friend.
LLH
5/3/2020
9:00 PM
Filed under Feelings, friendship, Me
Hello?
There isn’t even an echo in reply.
And why would there be?
Who would want to answer?
Who would want to walk into this space
– dank, heavy, and endless –
with just me
and no one else?
I don’t even want to be with me.
Why would you?
LLH
4-24-2020
3:00 AM
I am still in disbelief
that you hurt me
the way you did.
You.
Anyone but you,
I would’ve expected it from.
But not you.
Do you understand?
Can you even comprehend
how you tore me apart
when I was already
so very low?
I knew it was coming.
Even though I didn’t.
I begged you to stand up
for yourself
for our friendship.
But what are my words,
black and white
on a computer screen,
to their speech,
their gestures,
their convincing tones?
And besides,
who am I
but some girl
you flirt with
behind everyone
else’s back?
Right?
That’s what they tell you..
That’s what they all think.
Is that what you think now, too?
I have looked for your email,
even on other accounts
that you wouldn’t possibly use.
I have tried to write this poem.
Tried to form words
to explain what i feel
so you could understand.
Do you understand?
It hurts to be left
by everyone
you love.
Oh, my friend,
it hurts.
LLH
4/26/2020
10:45 PM
I’m not alright.
I cry so hard that
I taste the sensation
of Lake Erie waves
crashing and filling
in my nose and
the back of my throat
like when i was ten,
eleven, twelve
on vacation every summer,
and it only
. makes me
. cry harder.
LLH
4-16-2020
1:30 am
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com
I hope i don’t remember
this part of my life.
I hope i make it through
to better times.
I hope i don’t fill up
on little pills
white and round
that seem so easy
to swallow down.
LLH
4-16-2020
1:50 am
Filed under Feelings
