Tag Archives: domestic abuse

You You You #Poetry

Things were fine

before you returned.

I had just written

how full of love

i felt with my children.

Then you came in

and with a rush

of YOU YOU YOU

you knocked down

everyone else

so all that was left

was you.

 

LLH

3/30/18

10:46 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

I am…

 

She told me to write a list

beginning with “I am.”

Like “I am a writer,

I am a poet,

I am a Christian.”

 

The only words

I can think tonight

are his words.

I am stupid.

I am fat.

I am ugly.

I am lazy.

I am hopeless.

I am helpless.

I am mean.

I am selfish.

 

I will always

be alone,

because who

would want me?

 

Will i always

be defined

by his words

instead of mine?

 

LLH

5/12/15

11:04 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

Divorce

Photo from The Grid.

Photo from The Grid.

I am a failure.
People say “sorry”
when they hear
the news.

But I’m not sorry.
I tried.
.  I forgave.
.    I forgot.
And yet
he lied.
.  he took.
.    he hurt.

People say
when you’re in love,
.        you stay.
When you say “I do,”
.        it’s forever.
Vows before God
.        can’t be broken by man.

They hear “divorce”
and they think
it’s a shame.

But I can’t say
he beat me.
I can’t explain the drugs,
the loneliness, the fear.

So don’t assume
and don’t judge
just because
.  I’m happy
.    to be free.

 

LLH
4-8-15
3:58 pm

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Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse

Him #poetry #poem #30in30

I hide from you

…sometimes…

in the dark of night,

but you see me still.

 

Why do you love me?

 

I associate him

with put downs

of how i’ll never succeed

because of my gender.

 

I associate him

with secrets between us

that adults can’t know

and i shouldn’t tell.

 

I associate him

with unspoken anger

silence on car rides

and quiet punishment.

 

I associate him

with upheaval

with fear

with danger

with warning

with “don’t you dare”

and “you will pay.”

 

A bruise.

A hurt.

“Forgive me, please.”

 

How then can i

see you as Love?

How then can i

accept your Grace?

Teach me

not to hate

the word “him.”

 

LLH

4/1/15

9:22 am

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Filed under 30in30, domestic abuse, Feelings, God

Last Night #Poetry

I pray in silence

as his words echo.

I await in his volume

for my coffin in the quiet.

 

His fingers grip

the softness of flesh.

Tomorrow, pink

will turn dark

and brooding.

 

I am nothing but

a fucking bitch,

a lazy cunt.

 

He throws with force

his drunken self

against the locked door.

The wooden frame groans.

The deadbolt holds fast.

 

“Can you hear that?”

I ask into the phone.

“I can hear everything,’

the dispatcher assures.

 

LLH
3-12-15
1:32 am

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Break Out #poem #poetry

Photo found floating around on Facebook.

Photo found floating around on Facebook.

Stupid stupid stupid.
Jump out of the cycle.
His presence
Is a demon
Addicted to
Selfishness
And the next high.

Break out, break free.
Do not go back.
That which you seek
Doesn’t exist there
Regardless of promises
Which have been recycled
With a cherry on top.

My tears have run dry
And I don’t give a fuck
About you
Anymore.

 

LLH
12-15-14
2:28 pm

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Pray for Jackie’s Strength #Poetry

Press play on the video and then read the poem. I wrote the poem while listening to this Tori Amos song and hopefully you will see the parallels between the song and the poem.


I thought we were the real thing.

I thought my day had come,

but I was forced into it —

unready.

 

I gave into commands

so often it became

natural, expected.

Our marriage.

 

I did not know this wasn’t real

until after the babies came.

And then it was too late.

Right?

 

By then I was trapped

but years of abuse

were suddenly

more real.

 

And i hadn’t realized before

how very alone i was.

How very sad i felt

with him.

 

Hopes were raised continuously

and dashed again

in a rhythmic motion

like waves on rocks.

 

Rocks wear down eventually.

 

How many times was i slapped

figuratively

until i was punched

literally?

 

Does it matter?

We aren’t real.

This never was the real thing.

Nor will it ever be.

 

LLH

9/18/14

10:41 PM

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