Tag Archives: 30 in 30

Echo

Canva - Woman Looking Out The Window - Mike Chang

Hello?

 

There isn’t even an echo in reply.

And why would there be?

Who would want to answer?

 

Who would want to walk into this space

– dank, heavy, and endless –

with just me

and no one else?

 

I don’t even want to be with me.

Why would you?

 

 

LLH

4-24-2020

3:00 AM

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings, Me

Do You Understand?

Canva - Grayscale Photography of Woman Looking Out a Window - Rafael Serafim

I am still in disbelief

that you hurt me 

the way you did.

You.

 

Anyone but you,

I would’ve expected it from.

But not you.

 

Do you understand?

Can you even comprehend

how you tore me apart

when I was already 

so very low?

 

I knew it was coming.

Even though I didn’t.

I begged you to stand up

for yourself

for our friendship.

 

But what are my words,

black and white

on a computer screen,

to their speech,

their gestures,

their convincing tones?

 

And besides,

who am I

but some girl

you flirt with

behind everyone

else’s back?

 

Right?

 

That’s what they tell you..

That’s what they all think.

Is that what you think now, too?

 

I have looked for your email,

even on other accounts

that you wouldn’t possibly use.

 

I have tried to write this poem.

Tried to form words 

to explain what i feel

so you could understand.

 

Do you understand?

 

It hurts to be left

by everyone 

you love.

 

Oh, my friend,

it hurts. 

 

LLH

4/26/2020

10:45 PM

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Mixed Emotions

Photo by LilyLover.

Photo by LilyLover.

He’s the one that got my humor.

The one that i could laugh with.

He was my soul mate

for sixteen long years.

Years of pain and poison.

 

It’s good he’s gone.

It’s good i left him.

So why am i so sad?

Why am i hurting?

 

Is it the loneliness?

The extra responsibility?

Missing arms holding me

and lips on my neck?

 

Depression is heavy.

It wears you down.

The little pills are no substitute

for the happiness i felt.

 

LLH

4/12/15

11:29 PM

 

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Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse, Feelings

Divorce

Photo from The Grid.

Photo from The Grid.

I am a failure.
People say “sorry”
when they hear
the news.

But I’m not sorry.
I tried.
.  I forgave.
.    I forgot.
And yet
he lied.
.  he took.
.    he hurt.

People say
when you’re in love,
.        you stay.
When you say “I do,”
.        it’s forever.
Vows before God
.        can’t be broken by man.

They hear “divorce”
and they think
it’s a shame.

But I can’t say
he beat me.
I can’t explain the drugs,
the loneliness, the fear.

So don’t assume
and don’t judge
just because
.  I’m happy
.    to be free.

 

LLH
4-8-15
3:58 pm

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Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse

The Line

cross the line

Image from Map Consulting.

 

I look at my poems

and realize with fear

that it is I

.   not you

who will mess this up.

This nameless thing

we have,

.   but don’t have.

I’ll take a step back

across that imaginary line

in order to save

.   us.

 

 

LLH
4-8-15
3:47 pm

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings