My Best Friend

Photo from University of East Anglia

Photo from University of East Anglia

You aren’t here.

I’m thinking of you.

And wondering if

You’re thinking of me, too.

 

We said our goodbyes

and you admitted to me

that you would

.   indeed

miss me.

 

I said it to you

but you already knew.

My words and my poems

too honest.

 

I am transparent

even if i try to hide.

You know me

like none other.

 

I kinda like it that way.

 

 

LLH

4-19-15

8:27 PM

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings

Mixed Emotions

Photo by LilyLover.

Photo by LilyLover.

He’s the one that got my humor.

The one that i could laugh with.

He was my soul mate

for sixteen long years.

Years of pain and poison.

 

It’s good he’s gone.

It’s good i left him.

So why am i so sad?

Why am i hurting?

 

Is it the loneliness?

The extra responsibility?

Missing arms holding me

and lips on my neck?

 

Depression is heavy.

It wears you down.

The little pills are no substitute

for the happiness i felt.

 

LLH

4/12/15

11:29 PM

 

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Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse, Feelings

Divorce

Photo from The Grid.

Photo from The Grid.

I am a failure.
People say “sorry”
when they hear
the news.

But I’m not sorry.
I tried.
.  I forgave.
.    I forgot.
And yet
he lied.
.  he took.
.    he hurt.

People say
when you’re in love,
.        you stay.
When you say “I do,”
.        it’s forever.
Vows before God
.        can’t be broken by man.

They hear “divorce”
and they think
it’s a shame.

But I can’t say
he beat me.
I can’t explain the drugs,
the loneliness, the fear.

So don’t assume
and don’t judge
just because
.  I’m happy
.    to be free.

 

LLH
4-8-15
3:58 pm

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The Line

cross the line

Image from Map Consulting.

 

I look at my poems

and realize with fear

that it is I

.   not you

who will mess this up.

This nameless thing

we have,

.   but don’t have.

I’ll take a step back

across that imaginary line

in order to save

.   us.

 

 

LLH
4-8-15
3:47 pm

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings

It Isn’t Love

Image from Examiner.com

Image from Examiner.com

It isn’t love.

Just because i think of you

randomly

and thoroughly

throughout my every day.

 

Just because i smile

when you type my name.

Just because i wait up late

to chat with you.

 

Just because i plan my day

around your schedule.

Just because my heart flutters

when i see your name in my email.

 

Just because i dream

about things that will never happen.

Just because i ask God

why i feel the way i do.

 

That doesn’t mean it’s love.

 

LLH

4/8/15

9:59 am

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New Year

Image from Flower Shop Network.

Image from Flower Shop Network.

New year,
New goals.
Build me,
Shed fool.
Cleansing rain
January showers.
Clear my mind
Send me flowers.
Smiles come
To my inbox
Long discussions
Lengthy talks.
I’m sorry that
You make me
Happy.
I’m sad to
Admit it’s true.
‘Cause we both know
That “us” is one
New Year’s wish
That can never
come true.

LLH
January 2015

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Filed under Divorce, Feelings, Love

Growing

Thanks to FeelGrafix for the image.

Thanks to FeelGrafix for the image.

Growing stronger
With each sunrise.
Feel the beating
In my chest.

My God,
My Savior,
He protects me
From you
And all that
Beat me down.

Growing certain
Of my choices
That I’ve questioned
From Day 1.

Growing happy
With my life
As a single
Yet not just one.

LLH
3-5-15
10:39 AM

2 Comments

Filed under Divorce, God