Category Archives: Feelings

I am…

 

She told me to write a list

beginning with “I am.”

Like “I am a writer,

I am a poet,

I am a Christian.”

 

The only words

I can think tonight

are his words.

I am stupid.

I am fat.

I am ugly.

I am lazy.

I am hopeless.

I am helpless.

I am mean.

I am selfish.

 

I will always

be alone,

because who

would want me?

 

Will i always

be defined

by his words

instead of mine?

 

LLH

5/12/15

11:04 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

The Snake #Poem #Poetry

05-05-15 Snake 1She told me about the snake

who will always be a snake

no matter the kindness that

i should bestow upon him.

 

He managed to break my heart

with a flick of his fork’d tongue

05-05-15 Snake 2and the words from his pursed lips.

He managed to push me down.

 

I have seen him from this view.

I have watched him degrade me.

I have sat in fear of him

‘Til next-day apologies.

 

His tongue breaks my tender heart;

His tail, a blade, makes me bleed.

I will never be enough;

I don’t think i want to be.

 

As long as i remember

a snake is always a snake.

Regardless of my actions,

he is going to bite me.

 

LLH

5/5/15

10:10 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

Dear ______

Photo courtesy of The Village Voice

Photo courtesy of The Village Voice

Some of my poems

are letters to you

of things i feel

or haven’t spoken.

 

This is one.

 

I was bold and sure

and gave advice

i hoped you’d take

as you left me for a week.

 

I am trying to do

what is right and

I know that you are, too.

 

But how can my heart

feel like this

and how can yours

feel the same

 

… if it is wrong?

 

Now i feel jealous.

Jealous??

That is silly

and we both know it.

 

But why?

 

Help me understand.

Help me overcome.

Help me stop

loving you.

 

LLH

4/20/15

12:32 AM

 

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings, Love

My Best Friend

Photo from University of East Anglia

Photo from University of East Anglia

You aren’t here.

I’m thinking of you.

And wondering if

You’re thinking of me, too.

 

We said our goodbyes

and you admitted to me

that you would

.   indeed

miss me.

 

I said it to you

but you already knew.

My words and my poems

too honest.

 

I am transparent

even if i try to hide.

You know me

like none other.

 

I kinda like it that way.

 

 

LLH

4-19-15

8:27 PM

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings

Mixed Emotions

Photo by LilyLover.

Photo by LilyLover.

He’s the one that got my humor.

The one that i could laugh with.

He was my soul mate

for sixteen long years.

Years of pain and poison.

 

It’s good he’s gone.

It’s good i left him.

So why am i so sad?

Why am i hurting?

 

Is it the loneliness?

The extra responsibility?

Missing arms holding me

and lips on my neck?

 

Depression is heavy.

It wears you down.

The little pills are no substitute

for the happiness i felt.

 

LLH

4/12/15

11:29 PM

 

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Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse, Feelings

The Line

cross the line

Image from Map Consulting.

 

I look at my poems

and realize with fear

that it is I

.   not you

who will mess this up.

This nameless thing

we have,

.   but don’t have.

I’ll take a step back

across that imaginary line

in order to save

.   us.

 

 

LLH
4-8-15
3:47 pm

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings

It Isn’t Love

Image from Examiner.com

Image from Examiner.com

It isn’t love.

Just because i think of you

randomly

and thoroughly

throughout my every day.

 

Just because i smile

when you type my name.

Just because i wait up late

to chat with you.

 

Just because i plan my day

around your schedule.

Just because my heart flutters

when i see your name in my email.

 

Just because i dream

about things that will never happen.

Just because i ask God

why i feel the way i do.

 

That doesn’t mean it’s love.

 

LLH

4/8/15

9:59 am

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Filed under 30in30, Feelings, Love