Category Archives: domestic abuse

Last Night #Poetry

I pray in silence

as his words echo.

I await in his volume

for my coffin in the quiet.

 

His fingers grip

the softness of flesh.

Tomorrow, pink

will turn dark

and brooding.

 

I am nothing but

a fucking bitch,

a lazy cunt.

 

He throws with force

his drunken self

against the locked door.

The wooden frame groans.

The deadbolt holds fast.

 

“Can you hear that?”

I ask into the phone.

“I can hear everything,’

the dispatcher assures.

 

LLH
3-12-15
1:32 am

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Break Out #poem #poetry

Photo found floating around on Facebook.

Photo found floating around on Facebook.

Stupid stupid stupid.
Jump out of the cycle.
His presence
Is a demon
Addicted to
Selfishness
And the next high.

Break out, break free.
Do not go back.
That which you seek
Doesn’t exist there
Regardless of promises
Which have been recycled
With a cherry on top.

My tears have run dry
And I don’t give a fuck
About you
Anymore.

 

LLH
12-15-14
2:28 pm

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings

Turn Around

Photo courtesy of QuoteEveryday.com.

Photo courtesy of QuoteEveryday.com.

Turn around
Walk away
Save your heart
And your mind.

Stand up tall
Head held high
You’re worth more
Than his words.

Someone thinks you’re pretty.
Someone values you.
Someone knows you’re smarter
Than he made you believe.

You are you.
Love that you.
Do not change
To be his.

LLH
11-10-14
2:40 pm

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Filed under Divorce, domestic abuse, Love, Me

One Week After

The tears fall

irregularly

over little hurts

real and imagined.

 

Our world hiccupped

to February ‘13

But now they are older

now they understand.

 

Me?

It is my fault.

I tried to make it work.

 

But

It isn’t under my control.

Is anything, really?

 

Control is an illusion.

 

I wipe the tears.

I offer my arms

and my love.

 

We eat pizza

and watch a movie

……and heal.

 

Tomorrow will be better.

 

Photo courtesy of Leonid Mamchenkov

Photo courtesy of Leonid Mamchenkov

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LLH

10/22/14

10:34 AM

2 Comments

Filed under Divorce, domestic abuse, Family, Feelings, Parenting

Pray for Jackie’s Strength #Poetry

Press play on the video and then read the poem. I wrote the poem while listening to this Tori Amos song and hopefully you will see the parallels between the song and the poem.


I thought we were the real thing.

I thought my day had come,

but I was forced into it —

unready.

 

I gave into commands

so often it became

natural, expected.

Our marriage.

 

I did not know this wasn’t real

until after the babies came.

And then it was too late.

Right?

 

By then I was trapped

but years of abuse

were suddenly

more real.

 

And i hadn’t realized before

how very alone i was.

How very sad i felt

with him.

 

Hopes were raised continuously

and dashed again

in a rhythmic motion

like waves on rocks.

 

Rocks wear down eventually.

 

How many times was i slapped

figuratively

until i was punched

literally?

 

Does it matter?

We aren’t real.

This never was the real thing.

Nor will it ever be.

 

LLH

9/18/14

10:41 PM

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Maybe Tomorrow #poetry

Photo by Mark Malone

Photo by Mark Malone

I am not the same girl you knew.

I am not shy and sad.

I am not one who smiles

easily.

 

I am someone completely new.

I am angry and hurt.

I pretend happiness

questionably.

 

I cry at nothing

and everything.

I yearn for ease

and happiness.

 

I don’t get

what i want.

But that’s okay.

I get

what i need.

 

So maybe tomorrow…

i’ll be who you knew.

Maybe i’ll smile

and truly be happy

.   effortlessly

.        steadily

.             free.

 

LLH

6/7/14

3:20 AM

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Fear #poetry #poem

Photo courtesy of Michael Staires

Photo courtesy of Michael Staires

I fear this is a trick,

this excitement in my blood

that keeps a smile

lingering.

 

I fear it’s just a ploy

to get his needs met

without regard

to mine.

 

I know my fears

are unfounded.

 

I know that i’ve

been hurt.

 

I trust he is real

a man of his word

who sees me as

deserving.

 

I trust he won’t

reopen my scars

and leave me alone

bleeding.

 

I am learning

to trust again.

 

But still, I find myself

fearing.

 

 

LLH

5/29/14

2:00ish PM

2 Comments

Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings, Love