Category Archives: domestic abuse

You You You #Poetry

Things were fine

before you returned.

I had just written

how full of love

i felt with my children.

Then you came in

and with a rush

of YOU YOU YOU

you knocked down

everyone else

so all that was left

was you.

 

LLH

3/30/18

10:46 PM

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After Shocks

Thanks to Borda for the image.

Thanks to Borda for the image.

 

Do the effects of you ever end?

The nightmares, the fear,

Feeling like nothing.

And now this?

 

He’s a Christian guy

who makes me laugh

and knows the difference

between they’re and their.

 

Why am i so scared?

Why do i feel inept?

Why does his tender kiss

create a panic inside?

 

I don’t wanna be wrong

about him

like i was

about you.

 

I don’t wanna be hurt

by him

like i was

by you.

 

I don’t want to regret

him

like i do

you.

 

LLH

6-15-15

11:32 PM

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Filed under domestic abuse, Feelings, Love

I am…

 

She told me to write a list

beginning with “I am.”

Like “I am a writer,

I am a poet,

I am a Christian.”

 

The only words

I can think tonight

are his words.

I am stupid.

I am fat.

I am ugly.

I am lazy.

I am hopeless.

I am helpless.

I am mean.

I am selfish.

 

I will always

be alone,

because who

would want me?

 

Will i always

be defined

by his words

instead of mine?

 

LLH

5/12/15

11:04 PM

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The Snake #Poem #Poetry

05-05-15 Snake 1She told me about the snake

who will always be a snake

no matter the kindness that

i should bestow upon him.

 

He managed to break my heart

with a flick of his fork’d tongue

05-05-15 Snake 2and the words from his pursed lips.

He managed to push me down.

 

I have seen him from this view.

I have watched him degrade me.

I have sat in fear of him

‘Til next-day apologies.

 

His tongue breaks my tender heart;

His tail, a blade, makes me bleed.

I will never be enough;

I don’t think i want to be.

 

As long as i remember

a snake is always a snake.

Regardless of my actions,

he is going to bite me.

 

LLH

5/5/15

10:10 PM

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Mixed Emotions

Photo by LilyLover.

Photo by LilyLover.

He’s the one that got my humor.

The one that i could laugh with.

He was my soul mate

for sixteen long years.

Years of pain and poison.

 

It’s good he’s gone.

It’s good i left him.

So why am i so sad?

Why am i hurting?

 

Is it the loneliness?

The extra responsibility?

Missing arms holding me

and lips on my neck?

 

Depression is heavy.

It wears you down.

The little pills are no substitute

for the happiness i felt.

 

LLH

4/12/15

11:29 PM

 

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Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse, Feelings

Divorce

Photo from The Grid.

Photo from The Grid.

I am a failure.
People say “sorry”
when they hear
the news.

But I’m not sorry.
I tried.
.  I forgave.
.    I forgot.
And yet
he lied.
.  he took.
.    he hurt.

People say
when you’re in love,
.        you stay.
When you say “I do,”
.        it’s forever.
Vows before God
.        can’t be broken by man.

They hear “divorce”
and they think
it’s a shame.

But I can’t say
he beat me.
I can’t explain the drugs,
the loneliness, the fear.

So don’t assume
and don’t judge
just because
.  I’m happy
.    to be free.

 

LLH
4-8-15
3:58 pm

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Filed under 30in30, Divorce, domestic abuse

Him #poetry #poem #30in30

I hide from you

…sometimes…

in the dark of night,

but you see me still.

 

Why do you love me?

 

I associate him

with put downs

of how i’ll never succeed

because of my gender.

 

I associate him

with secrets between us

that adults can’t know

and i shouldn’t tell.

 

I associate him

with unspoken anger

silence on car rides

and quiet punishment.

 

I associate him

with upheaval

with fear

with danger

with warning

with “don’t you dare”

and “you will pay.”

 

A bruise.

A hurt.

“Forgive me, please.”

 

How then can i

see you as Love?

How then can i

accept your Grace?

Teach me

not to hate

the word “him.”

 

LLH

4/1/15

9:22 am

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Filed under 30in30, domestic abuse, Feelings, God